Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
