I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
