so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
