She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
