And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
