you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
