It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
