The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
