i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
