I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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