But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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