dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This is the high leading the old right now
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
