One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
