Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
