i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
