Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
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