mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
