He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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