You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
