U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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