You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
