marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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