I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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