Cold hands, warm shart.
return my video game
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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