so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
