New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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