I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
