He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
