before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
