Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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