The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
