this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my shit smells like andre
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
