she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
