I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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