The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
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