Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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