my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
