I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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