You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
