Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
