If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
