the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
