Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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