I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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