I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
