and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
