ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
