I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
