He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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