We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
