Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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