I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
