would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
