the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
