i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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