It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
vagina is talking i cant
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
